Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sarah and the kids return home tomorrow night. It would be impossible to overstate how excited I am for them to come home after their extended visit to Texas. There are a few things I have learned in their absence though. The first and perhaps the most important is: Don't mess this up! - that is my marriage. Getting a glimpse of how life would be for me without Sarah and the kids is so depressing. Another is, and some of you may be firsthand witnesses to this: after you're alone for a while, you start getting weird. You say things that may be pushing against the boundaries of acceptable social behavior, you have less tact, you care less about how people perceive you and if you are me, I am constantly talking and singing in opera voice to myself. (Last night I was outside watering the garden and I heard the oven timer go off inside the house and it isn't that loud. I realized I should probably be embarrassed for all of the music I've treated the neighborhood to lately). While there are myriad other reasons why I am happy to have my family back tomorrow, I would be lying if I said that a good meal wasn't one of them. Let's just say I've gone through a lot of toilet paper since they left. Below pretty much sums up my diet over the past few weeks.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Elaine: Can you die from an odor? I mean like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odor?
Jerry: An overdose of odor? Good question.
George: Do I smell?
I wish I could have found the video for that little bit of dialogue. The reason for this post? Well, I recently had the fine pleasure of inspecting the smelliest house I have ever stepped foot in. I have literally been in thousands of homes and seen the entire spectrum of living conditions and this one, at least as far as smell goes, takes the cake.
How do you obtain such an odor? I can hear you all asking. Take 4 large dogs, let's say Akita's or German Shepherds, something along those lines, lock them in your house with you and let them urinate and defecate on every surface of your home. Do not remove the doge feces, just pile it up next to the front door (inside still). Allow all shed hair to remain on the floor to provide a nice, absorbent, mat like covering that will really hold on to all urine and feces particles. Smoke, heavily for years on end. Preferably have 3-5 heavy smokers in the house, yes, you teenagers need to pull your weight too, spark up there junior. Now live like this for, say 8 years without ever cleaning your home and you will have achieved the total destruction of your home by dog. I won't give you too much but here is one picture, apparently this was one of the dog's favorite spots to unload. What looks like dirt on the newel post is actually some kind of urine, fur, smoke residue. Pretty awesome.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I have lived and breathed the NBA playoffs this year. This is due in large part to the Mav's slicing through round after round and getting to the finals leaving piles of mangled corpses along the way behind the dead eye gun of a 7 foot German man. The way the storyline has played out for the entire NBA this year I believe that the only fans left for the Miami Heat are either those two-bit strumpet, near-the-airport stripclub, bandwagon fans who wear LeBron James' jersey to the mall....and of course those South Beach fans. Everyone seems to be on pins and needles waiting for the Heat to do something stupid, or should I say something else stupid. You know, besides guaranteeing multiple championships in the pre-preseason before any of their team had even suited up.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Yeah, I know....I ripped the title off from Fining Forester, relax. If you know me well, you know that I have been a Dallas Mavericks fan forever. I remember when Dad would score a set of tickets when I was pretty little to go and watch Rolondo Blackman, Brad Davis, Mark Aguirre and Derek Harper. I remember well the disappointments of Jim Jackson, Roy Tarpley, Popeye Jones and that infamous 11-71 season back in the early 90's. I remember going to games on "dollar dog nights" when the parking pass was more than the game ticket back in middle school and high school. I have always been a Mav's fan and at no time have I ever thought about switching up who I cheered for.
The 2000's haven't exactly been a walk in the park either. With several early playoff exits in the first part of the decade hope began to grow with the burgeoning of a certain 7' German.
Going in to the playoffs in 2006 things were good for the Mav's and for me. I had recently put school on the back burner again and had a job I was really excited about and making good money at. Sarah and I had moved in to a house we loved in Salt Lake and were fixing up. Brett was staying with us at the time and Ryan Sparks was over often and we made no qualms about cheering hard for the Mav's during that playoff run and the entire neighborhood knew it. When Dirty was able to finish the Spurs off in the Wester Conference Finals with the drive and the clutchest of all clutch free throws, the Mavericks were headed to the finals for the first time ever.
I don't need to go in to too much detail about the finals implosion but just to recap the Mav's jumped out to a solid 2-0 series lead and looked fantastic late in the 3rd quarter when the Heat came alive and won 4 straight starting with game 3. Of course there were some very dubious whistles, the phantom time out which Josh Howard never called and a very lop-sided free throw tally in games 5-6 which led the now former Laker's coach Phil Jackson to say that the league was retaliating against the Mav's owner Mark Cuban's criticism of the leauge via the free throw line.
Needless to say it was a tough one to swallow and 2007 wasn't any better with a strangle hold on the #1 seed overall riding a 67 win game season and facing a Golden State team that if Avery Johnson had played starters against in the end of the regular season and gave them one more loss, wouldn't have even made the playoff's. The Mav's lost the series being on a very short list of #1's to be beat by #8's. 2008, 2009 and 2010 were all largely forgettable advancing to the second round just once in those years but otherwise taking a first round ouster every season.
In that time I experienced what was to me an earth shattering awakening with regard to the political scene which you all know something about....If you don't just scroll down some. I think that this has made me very skeptical and even cynical at times regarding the government and their ineptitude. Economically things have been in the Sir John Crapper and this has for me and my business been devastating and changed the face of the industry in which I work. During this time we moved to Evanston Wyoming in a temporary house, in which we still reside which is also bursting at it's ever-loving seams. The primary purpose of moving to Evanston rather than say Rock Springs Wyoming was to be close to my Grandmother who passed away just over a year ago. Government regulation has kept business slow for us and taken most of our clients and forced them to use appraisers whom would normally be their 3rd or 4th choice. Thank you Chris Dodd and Barney Frank for punching my personal finances in the gut.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee water.
Scientists are discovering that you can change the shape water crystals take depending on how you treat them, what words you speak or show to them or even what you think toward them. Dr. Masaru Emoto has written several books on the topic and has done extensive research on water.
This idea has been blowing my mind today thinking about the above scripture. I was also thinking about when you feel the influence of the Holy Ghost, there is likely an actual physiological change in the water content of your body. How you interact with other people and the mood you carry may actually change the physical nature of the water in your body. Here is a video that shows some of the crystals and how they took form depending on how they were treated.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tunisia, Yemen, Algeria, Albania, Jordan, Bolivia and Egypt are all verging on complete revolution.
This story explains most of what is going on.
Most of this is driven by our belligerent foreign policy in those regions and propping up corrupt regimes. Which is why you aren't hearing anything about it in the news.
In other news, we don't take care of our own soldiers (big surprise right). Especially those suffering from PTSD or other mental difficulties. For the second year in a row more soldiers took their own lives than those that were killed in combat.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
So I'm back in school....and it is very similar to the show Community. The primary difference is that on television it's a lot funnier. I am surrounded by recent graduates of high school (some of them I think are current students) and 50 year old moms taking another crack at it. I kind of feel stuck in the middle. I had some curve balls thrown at me over the last 3 months that have really left me no choice. Taking 4 community college classes that have absolutely nothing to do with my career choice are essentially the difference in me doubling my income over the next 2 years or I could do nothing and stay on this same plateau. Shenanigans I tell you. So through the hoops I jump. I really enjoy learning but I hate, hate, hate with the fire of 1,000 suns being compelled to learn useless crap. Make no bones about it - and our high school teachers were lying, there is plenty of stuff you will never use in the real world. A lot of the time making a good grade in the class has little or nothing to do with your knowledge of the material but how well you can predict what your teacher wants to hear. The silver lining is that I have to take a political science class where I am able and even given assignments to rant and rave about the government. All we need is a Jeff Winger and a witty Abed type to keep it light.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Happy Birthday Sarah!